


Alone

by Rina (rinadoll)



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Anxiety, Community: picfor1000, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erin Gilbert needs a hug, Established Relationship, F/F, Nightmares, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 02:13:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10150991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinadoll/pseuds/Rina
Summary: Nothing feels good when you're awake at 3am.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for the Picture is Worth 1000 Words challenge--sign up, get a picture, write a story inspired by it that is exactly 1000 words. It's so much fun, not to mention so hard and so rewarding to keep things tight and still tell a full story.
> 
> This was my photo, [Alone](https://www.flickr.com/photos/yosia_k/4243443045/).

Erin braced herself against the wall of her apartment building, resting her head against the cool brick. The street was as quiet as New York ever got, which was to say, not very. Cars sped by, people shouted, horns honked, and a siren wailed in the distance. Even though it was close to 3am, she wasn’t even the only one in the alley; someone lounged further down. Despite it all, she still felt alone. Even worse: lonely. 

She hated feeling lonely around people. It just emphasized all her social and emotional shortcomings and made her feel worse. No, the place to be lonely was alone in your apartment, where you could pretend that maybe you could be normal enough to be tolerated by someone if you just went out, but you were choosing not to leave because you had other things to do, etc. Except that wasn’t an option right now, as she’d hightailed it out of her apartment and it was currently occupied by Jillian Holtzmann.

Really, she had not planned this well at all. She should have kicked Jillian out, rather than running out herself. Stupid impulsive decision. She had to get a handle on that some day. 

The building’s front door opened and shut, and Erin heard a clatter down the steps. Then a pause before the person went off in the other direction. Erin barely had time to register her feelings--relieved? Disappointed? Still upset? All of the above?--when someone came running back and Holtz skidded into the alley. Her hair was a tangled mess, bedhead that she’d apparently tried to pull back into a bun, and she’d thrown on a dress of Erin’s with her own untied boots. She looked worried and confused and utterly ridiculous, so un-Holtz-like, and Erin felt the hard knot in her stomach start to melt. She wanted to hold on to the self-righteousness, but it was fading into something too close to shame. Jillian had followed her.

“I don’t know what I did,” she said, spreading her hands out. “I went over it, over and over as I got dressed, looking at it from all the angles, and Erin, I got nothing. I don’t know what to do with nothing.”

Erin wasn’t sure how to explain, and looked at Holtz helplessly. She suddenly felt ridiculous, and melodramatic, and everything else she’d ever been called by colleagues and partners and family members.

“It’s late,” she said lamely. “Go back to bed. Or head home, whatever you want. Sorry I woke you.”

“Uh, what the what now?” Holtz looked at her like she was speaking another language. “I don’t mind that you woke me up. You had a nightmare. The yelling and the leaving is the problem. What _happened_?”

“Like you said, I had a nightmare,” Erin said, swallowing down her feelings. Again. “I didn’t wake up well. I apologize.” It was hard to say, but easier than any alternative. “I remembered I was out of cereal so I decided to run get some while I was awake. That’s all.”

Holtz squinted at her and Erin had the terrible feeling that she could see right into her brain. “Nope,” Holtz said. 

“Nope?” Erin repeated.

“That wasn’t a run for cereal. That was a run away from something. I hope it wasn’t me,” Holtz said. “But the evidence is there. What happened between not waking up well and the leaving? What am I missing?”

“I wasn’t running from you, Jillian,” she said, and it was mostly true. She stared down at the ground, rolling her eyes at herself. “This has turned into a big thing, and it’s so stupid. Let’s go upstairs.” She knew she wouldn’t sleep, but Holtz needed it. 

“Something upset you,” Holtz said, stopping Erin. “That’s not stupid. Your feelings aren’t stupid.”

Erin looked up, startled. No one had ever said that before, and she tilted her head at Jillian, who looked at her steadily.

“Soooo?” she prompted.

“I don’t know,” Erin said, weakly. “It’s nothing.”

“Erin. Babe. I’m outside at 3am, in a dress. Neither of us ever wants to do this again. It’s not nothing, so figure it out so we can go upstairs.”

Erin shrunk back against the wall; the brick was rough on her arms and she rubbed them more deliberately, letting the sensation ground her. "I needed you," she finally admitted, feeling small. 

"I was right there," Holtz said, looking confused again. "What did you need? And stop saying it’s nothing," she warned. 

Erin guiltily cut herself off and tried to find the words.

“You dismissed me,” she began, slowly. “That’s how it felt, anyway. I dreamed about my old neighbor again, and when I woke up, I remembered how my parents made me feel bad for being scared. And how much Phil hated when my nightmares woke him up. When you just said go back to sleep, it felt like more of the same and I freaked out. I’m sorry. I overreacted.” 

Erin squawked as Holtz grabbed her in a tight hug. “Stop apologizing,” she said, squeezing. “I know that was hard, thank you.” 

“You’re welcome?” Erin said uncertainly.

Holtz let go and grabbed her by the face instead. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that again. Also, stop hiding your feelings and tell me things so I can help you,” she said, staring directly into Erin’s eyes. “Unlike all those other people, I am here for the hard stuff. I love you, but I need to know what’s going on in that brain of yours.”

“Okay,” Erin said, touched and a little overwhelmed in the face of Holtz’s intensity.

“Okay,” Holtz said, satisfied. “Now I’ll make you warm milk, you’re going to tell me about the dream and we are going to snuggle back to sleep.” She took Erin’s arm, pulling her along, only pausing to let Erin kiss her cheek. “And then tomorrow, I’ll tell you what I need after my nightmares. Because really--murderous robotic bunnies? No laughing matter.”


End file.
